Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Once Upon A Time, I kept a blog…

Well! The first half of July was kind of a slog. Once you’re tired of something, more of it just makes you kind of.. even slower, or less motivated, or at least it does me! Now that the rain has rolled back and summer is here (as of this Friday, basically), it’s hot as blazes but that’s okay. I may have to start watering my tomatoes in the swelter, but at least I don’t have to worry about running out of clothes before I get a chance to do laundry..! (Laundry takes a sunny day, usually.. because even if you dry your clothes inside with a fan, they smell funny if they take too long in the warm humidity..)

I’ve been spending the last few days half on cleaning and half on getting out. It’s a three day weekend, but I’m staying in Shiso today just to keep my feet on the ground. I’m still pretty in denial about a lot of things, like how quickly I am leaving for America (don’t worry, I’m definitely looking forward to it, with an almost visceral realism I picture myself there).. only in practical ways am I in denial about that, things like packing and preparing what I will bring with me. I panicked yesterday and bought some souvenirs, but not very many. I guess it’s just summer.. I can worry about presents later, right?

I’m also in denial about the Great Changeover, or the Loss of Many JETs and Arrival of New Ones. A long time ago, I was looking forward to it, because I was excited about the possibility of what the new folks might be like. From there, of course, it was a totally open horizon. They could be ANYONE and so the potential for awesomeness was high. Now I know their names and placements. That isn’t anything really.. they are still completely blank on the radar, but somehow knowing that they are real people puts limits on the future? I don’t know how to explain that.

And I’ve also become more acutely aware, of course, of what we’ll lose here in Shiso. Simply put, I don’t wanna.

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