Voluntary

I’m killing the calendar like I killed my bank account last month.

I’ve written two posts about the changes this year, but they just turned out to be unhappy, stressed-out rants. I also wanted to wait til at least my first day at Big Elementary (which was today) to make that kind of sweeping statement.

It’s hard, though, to have to be so flexible sometimes. Especially, I think, when you’ve scorched both ends off the calendrical candle. It’s hard to prepare for anything in a limited amount of time with a limited amount of patience; it’s hard to depend on nothing.

Today could have been a little better. It also could have been a shite sight worse.

I will write a more balanced report of the changes thrust upon me by the springtime’s arrival. But I also want to give an account of where I’ll be for the next few weeks, so if I vanish entirely, you’ll know why.

Right now, I’m sitting at a desk in Big Elementary. It was cold this morning, but right now it’s effing gorgeous. The office smells like coffee brewing. I borrowed a large piece of scrap paper so I could write down everything I have to do in the forseeable future (from “taxes” to “plan young teachers’ enkai”). The rationale being, if it’s on the paper, I can put it out of my head.

There is a lot of shit on this paper. I then color-code highlightered it, with orange for “by the end of today” and pink for “by the end of Friday” and yellow for “before the 30^th.” Everything unhighlighted can wait til after Golden Week.

This weekend will be Osaka, going to the Tigers Game (basebaaaall!) then staying out all night, probably, then going to see Kabuki on Sunday. Business as hold-on-to-your-butts usual, Monday to Thursday, then Friday the 29^th is a meeting for Hyogo Times (no school that day), along with a bunch of stuff that is for-fun, like Infiorata Kobe and I think a Shorinji Kempo hanami or something. The 30^th, we leave for Okinawa, and I don’t come back til Sunday the 8^th!

This stuff isn’t all stressful because it’s required. It’s all stressful because it’s voluntary and much of it is supposed to be fun. And almost all of it will actually be fun. It’s just getting all the other stuff done before the fun starts that’s a pain in the ass!

And I mean… it really is all voluntary. Why do I feel it is important or necessary to continue studying Japanese out of a textbook that I KNOW is less than superior? Why do I bother to benkyou at all? To be honest, that is one of the first things to fall off the schedule.. and it’s for that very reason that today, it’s the next thing I will do.