Food for Fear

In the morning before work I generally use the internet a little bit. Check the weather, maybe my horoscope, glance at email. I peruse a bit more carefully if I’m going to elementary school that day and will thus be without internet access (or, really, time to look at the internet anyway). This morning I downloaded some stuff I had been ignoring for a while.. my winter trip flight itinerary (in case I wanted to do some plannin’ in my downtime at school), the recontracting forms I’m not sure are for me (they might be just for high-school JETs).

Those damn things are due February 4th! That’s like, way soon.

As I was driving to school today (totally against the rules, but I can’t find my bus card, and the buses would be too late to make my connections anyway because of construction down by the river) I watched the wind tear through the woods and toss leaves around, stared at the tree branches lifting over grey stone garden walls, and considered that I might stay another year. Of course this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and my leanings have changed more deeply than I’d thought they might.

Being away for another year would be hard. But for me, “it’s difficult” almost goes on the list of reasons to do a thing, rather than not do it. I’m a bit ruthless when it comes to what I expect of myself. The idea of turning away from a task, project, or anything because “it’s hard” is appalling. I expect far greater things of myself than that.

Although doing something just because it’s difficult is pretty stupid, I sometimes think that I operate that way anyway. Maybe I think things that are difficult are more meaningful because they come with struggle. You get out of a thing what you put into it.. you know, chemical equations, college, life, etc. So not only have you gotta give what you do your best shot, you’ve got to be in a place that demands a lot of you.

Until, of course, you grow out of that horrible phase of treating yourself so harshly, and give yourself a damn break.

You may recall a weekend in September when I went white water rafting. There was a point at which people got out of their boats and jumped off high rocks into the water. It took only a little coaxing from the raft guides to get me onto the third rock (the highest, I guess? I think there was one more higher) before anyone had jumped off of it yet. It was absolutely freaking petrifying. The prep, the jump, the fall, the water-hitting, every moment of the experience of flinging myself from a rock 12 meters above the river was a study of how to be EmLem, scared.

I knew it would be, because of a day I spent at the Lawrence pool when I lived there. One afternoon at the tail end of summer, I took myself there while Dre was at work. I lay about, disappointed that the lily pads were not only too small for me, but closed. I shrugged and thought I’d try the high dive. I was surprised to find that it was terrifying. There’s something horrible about the moment of free fall, when you’re not strapped to anything or belted in to any contraption, just you, mostly naked, falling through the air. I knew, logically, that it was safe. I knew this even better after doing it.. there I was, I’d survived, there was no harm (besides bathing suit wedgie). But after doing it once, the memory of that moment of midair panic was much more salient. I pulled myself out of the water, wanting to do it again; I was so interested in my own terror that I wanted to recreate that contrast between intense fear and known safety.

That day, I jumped off the high dive again and again. The midair fear never lessened, never went away. It was much more intense above the river because I had way too much time to look down, realize what I was doing, and not have a single ounce of control over any of it at that point.

And the reason I do these things to myself, I think, is partly that one of my greatest fears is fear. And I know that’s kind of played out by now. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, etc. Harry Potter and the boggart in the wardrobe, so on and so forth. But what I’ve always been afraid of is missing out on something, missing an opportunity, wasting something, something like time, like life. And I know somewhere deep that fear is one ugly bastard that will stand between you and the fulfillment of your potential, between you and the breadth and depth of experience you should be able to have in your life. And I won’t have it. I won’t stand for that shit. I have to defy fear because I need to know I can best it daily. If I can’t beat it in the little things, how on earth can I hope to top it in the big?

I’m sure that’s all very ironic. The end result is, sometimes I work harder, not smarter. Sometimes I do stuff just because it’s hard.

It Didn't Suck.

My assessment of KobeConference: well, it didn't suck! This year felt a lot more productive than last year did. At no point did I actively wish to remove my eyeballs with my pencil point. They actually responded to a lot of last year's issues about both the conference and the JET experience as a whole. They tried to seminar up some teacher training, and there was a lot more group discussion, a lot less two-hours-of-the-same-demonstration-fifteen-times.

So that was, for the most part, an unexpected success.

As for what I hoped to get out of KobeConference, that too was greatly successful.

I got to wear "professional" looking clothes that hadn't been worn in quite some time. Including one outfit which, I kid you not, I've kept for like ten years (then brought to Japan?) with the intention of playing dress-up. Or professional conference. Whatever.

Kobe is a pretty cool city. It's international without being insanely huge; it's pretty, and there are things to do.

One of the views from our KobeConference venue:

From 2010_11_18

On the streets Thursday night:

From 2010_11_18

Just like home:

From 2010_11_18

Also, as you may be aware (unless you live under a rock in a cave under the sea), Harry Potter opened on Friday, November 19th, so M and I spent our lunch hour running back to Sannomiya to secure tickets for that night's show. It was worth the scolding for being late...

Being more international than Shiso means Kobe has a wider variety of food choices. Like this tasty Spanish joint, which was a bit pricey because it was in the building where our movie was going to be. Priorities, people.

From 2010_11_19

The movie itself was, of course, nothing short of wonderful. As a new record, I was in tears in the first four minutes.

Yes that's a Gryffindor tie on Miriam. And a full-scale Ravenclaw getup on yours truly... Caito has a time-turner, and Kameron's in Slytherin sweater disguise.

From 2010_11_19

Finally, our post-conference proximity to Kobe-Sanda outlets made for a beautiful and exhausting day of shopping until we died of our wounds. My favorite purchases were a sweater approximately the color of my soul (to replace the scarf the actual color of my soul which I bought in Florence and then lost sometime after), and a beautiful long black coat that I have not worn out yet because even though it's cold, it's not THAT damn cold yet.



It looks even better on me than on this hanger..!

Look No Further

Truth be told, though, for breathtaking fall color, one need look no further than just around the corner. Yamasaki's Momiji-Yama boasts an astonishing collection of my favorite kind of tree, and Adina and I happened upon their heyday nearly by accident when we decided to "go for a walk" when we thought they "might be about in season."

Hot damn, the hills are afire with maple plumage.

And Now I've Been to Kyoto in the Fall

Aaaand? How was it?
Well, it was beautiful, and crowded. I decided to just take it easy, no worries, just wander around. I made for the Philosopher's Walk, because I'd read about it in my guidebook and wanted from the beginning to get on it. From there I imagined myself sitting in a little tea shop writing letters, looking out on the fall color.

Well.

From 2010_11_23

I took the subway to the station that looked closest to Nanzen-ji, the bottom end of the walking path marked out in the book. I just sort of moseyed in the bright sunlight, enjoying the autumn air. It wasn't too crowded until I actually got to Nanzen-ji temple area.

From 2010_11_23

I followed the aquaduct in the opposite direction of my planned walk for a while...

From 2010_11_23

I found a little park that smelled awesomely like autumn.

From 2010_11_23

Then I saw a little path that had tori gates, marking it as the way to a shrine, so I kept going in that 'wrong' direction.

From 2010_11_23

And it was pretty up there too.

From 2010_11_23

In fact, it was basically the most beautiful autumn weather ever.

From 2010_11_23

From 2010_11_23

And the colors were ridiculous.

From 2010_11_23

It took me a long time to even get to the Philosopher's Way. When I did find it, I walked it, stopping along the way here and there.

From 2010_11_23

By then, though I was pretty tired, and I didn't want to wait in line to get into Ginkaku-ji, so I just went back. I never did sit down in a tea shop to write letters, and I was even a little late meeting Nami-san for dinner!

All in all, I was worn out, but I think I would have regretted it deeply, if I'd missed going to Kyoto in the fall!

Aaaand...

I managed to spend one classless day accomplishing a whopping TWO things on my to-do list. Don't be impressed. If I had put my nose on the grindstone I could have done most of them. But the kids were practicing for a school-presentation-festival which I may or may not attend, and they were cute.

IN OTHER NEWS Christmas is approaching. I have heard tell that packages over like 400 grams might have to be sent from Japan by boat, which can take up to 2 months, so your presents are already late.

But let's talk about what you can do for me. There's not much I lack in the land of the rising sun, but I have two desired things if you feel inclined to send anything. Feel free not to.. that's not what Christmas is about of course, but here's the thing. Every house in Japan has a hot-water maker. It comes standard, right after fridge and stove, probably before microwave-oven. There are like two in every staff room I've ever been in. These exist mostly so you can make yourself instant coffee. Or instant ramen. But Japan for some reason does not have instant oatmeal.

I know. wtf right? So I bought eight boxes this summer and unboxed them and put them in plastic bags and packed them in my suitcase and brought them here, and at the time of writing I now have one solitary packet of oatmeal left. And everyone knows you need two packs at a time anyway.

I like the reduced sugar stuff because it's not too sweet, but really any flavor is okay, excepting maybe plain, because that would require me to be creative at 6:30am and that is pretty hit or miss. But, if plain is in a collection or something, I suppose I could stir some yuzu jam into it and call it even. Hmm.. that sounds kinda good.... okay, all flavors are a go. And with this gift you can't go wrong, because no matter how much oatmeal I receive, it will never be too much.

Secondarily, I really like the body cream type of lotion that comes from Bath and Body Works. Body cream usually comes in an upright tube that is round at the bottom and kinda.. triangular at the top. Like this:


In my youth, I used all kinds of crazy scents, but these days I like it pretty tame, so if you want to send me one of these, please exercise discretion in scent choosin'.. nothing too sweet or fruity. If you find yourself unsure, just send oatmeal. I am particularly fond of the brown sugar fig (third from right in that picture). Unlike the oatmeal, though, I can have too much lotion. I kind of already do, although it's all different, inferior, non body-cream kinds. Except this 99cent bottle of Walgreens lotion which for some reason is also awesome. Accept some substitutes?

Also if you want to give me lotion, please wait until the twice-a-year B&BW sale to buy it.. that sale should be like just after Christmas sometime. Trust me, it's worth it the wait.

Coming Soon!

This is almost more a note-to-self than a note for readers, but:

I'll be blogging backwards!
Kyoto in the fall (11/23)
Momiji-Yama (11/21)
Kobe Conference In Reivew (11/18-19)
Monkey Massage Weekend (11/14)
Himeji Bike Ride for PEPY (11/13)
International Festival (11/3)

As usual, too busy living it to tell you about it shikkarily, but I'll be on that soon. The next two days are pretty classless.

Toodles!

Thanks!

We had a very Shiso Thanksgiving about a week and a half ago. In the week leading up to that event, including actual Thanksgiving Thursday, I was totally not enthused. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but I mostly failed to teach it to the kids (I thought they had done it a millions times... nope!) and then was buying important things like, oh, I dunno, green beans, midday on the actual day of the feast.

I was a lot more pumped last year, and more let down, too. This year felt a bit more like I was flying by the seat of my pants, and the whole thing went off great.

For reference, here are some photos from last year:


One of the most important being:

From 2009_11_28

This is what happens when 14 cook for 50 in a kitchen built for 8.

This year, our cooking team was about half of last year's, probably due to the paranoia of repeating last year's special brand of chaos. We also got into the cooking area at 9am instead of 1pm, which helped everyone's blood pressure a lot.

Last year, I invited a whole bunch of people, then didn't get to spend any time with any of them because by the time we were done bringing the food out, it was time for us to eat, then dessert, then it was time to clean up (and cleaning up took about six years, although we had to be out of the hall at 10pm). This time, we were able to clean as we went along, so wrap-up was a piece of cake. We actually had some time where we were just sitting around waiting for our food to finish cooking and our guests to come.

This time, I invited a lot less, and of them, only a few showed up. I ended up sitting with my JTE and his family and having a very pleasant time talking to them.

From 2010_11_27

We had games this time, too, which split up the feast time nicely.

Last year, I made pumpkin pie from a recipe I snagged at the Centro (one of the professor's there sent it to me upon request). It was amazingly delicious, but there were a ton of leftovers. Shiso enjoyed tupperwares full of my "pumpkin shit" for several days afterward.

Foolishly I assumed the same would be true of my sweet-potato souffle. Which I do believe I did as well as could be expected.. we didn't have mini marshmallows so I cut up some big ones. Yeah. Be thankful:



At the last minute (seriously, I didn't think we had the canned soup, so I nixed the idea of doing it until I got there and saw we had soup) I added green bean casserole, Campbell's regular recipe (mostly) to our menu.



So here's how that panned out:






Also, two people asked me for the sweet potato recipe, and one for the green bean recipe. I guess we'd call it a win. I still don't see how less people gave us less leftovers, but there you are.

I'm thankful for a whole boatload of things, and even though I spent all week missing my family and the US, I'm grateful too that Shiso Thanksgiving was such a good time for all.