Graduation as an anniversary, and cookie-baking

My last class with the 3nens was on their last actual day of class, from what I understand. This was unusual; normally our last class creeps up on us out of the calendar and I'm halfway through conducting it before we realize there won't be any more.

But this year was different. We planned ahead, and I wanted to make it special. So special, in fact, it would require the assistance of those abroad. I was callin' in the pudding cookies.

Other ALTs have done cooking classes with their students, but I never had before. Mostly I felt bad for asking to use the computer room, so the prospect of taking over and making use of not only a special room, but also a bunch of ingredients (which at first I thought, heck I'll just pay for, until I realized that chocolate chips have to be imported too, unless you want to bake with mini bags of mini chips and they just don't make cookies here like they do back home-- which is entirely the point of doing a class like this, after all), and making such a big mess and deal, well it seemed too much to ask, and to do. Plus, I'm not much of a cook. I don't know any really special recipes, right? Or super delicious representative foods?

But this year, I thought, no, let's do this. My favorite recipe is a fairly simple cookie recipe which is fairly cheap and did I mention really easy to make at home. The stuff you need is mostly already in your house. But for twelve groups of middle schoolers with a big shiny new kitchen classroom, it's a bit different. In Japan, everything comes in smaller bags and bottles, and since it was a class thing, we needed massive amounts of all the ingredients. First, we put in orders with Foreign Buyer's Club and YoYoMarket variously for all kinds of things. For the butter and eggs and sundry, we put in orders at the local grocery.

I was struck again with just how much butter and sugar goes into this recipe, but it's my favorite for a reason. The special secret ingredient (which my mom mailed me, thank goodness), makes the cookies really extra soft and forgiving. A few groups were instructed to make the regular "bag" recipe (that written on the choco chip bag) since we didn't have enough pudding mix packets for all 12 groups (that was my bad), but I think the substitutions of measurement and flour type and whatever the hell else happened in the process of procuring and measuring the ingredients in Japan vs. back home caused those poor groups to suffer very flat cookies.

All in all, the entire thing was a great experience, and a clusterfuck, and it gave me a cold. 

The clusterfuck aspect is pretty obvious: the recipe which is easy at home is not easy with a bunch of kids who have never made cookies before. I tried to tell them when a pile of the gooey dough was too big or too close to the others, but having never made cookies (having NEVER made cookies, at home), they couldn't really envision it. Also kids will be kids. I too remember looking at the pan and thinking, this extra dough could be one. GIANT. cookie. Oh awesome. Or, I wonder if we could make a pancake that was ACTUALLY the size of the PAN. So they had to try it, and it was pretty awful.

Also, there is the fact that this was all supposed to take place within one 50-minute class period, which I figured we could totally do. We could not.

Given one whole class period to clean up, we did restore the kitchen to order and were able to move the cookies during 4th hour.

Thirteen batches total. This is more cookieage than I ever made on my own.

The greatness of the experience was in their joy at being able to try it, and also at my own realization that they had just been given a little piece of something American iconic: cookies and milk. They didn't even know the two went together, and were horrified to see my dunk my cookie in the milk box. I was horrified that they had never heard of doing that.

That it gave me a cold is only in the way I stressed out about the whole thing in a manner that increased exponentially each day approaching the baking project. For me, colds aren't simply germs getting in and making a mess. Well it is that. But it's something else, because in my situation, that is, my age and general physical health and occupation, I am around germs all the time. Not like really bad ones, but I do work in an elementary school half the week. Shit goes around. Little kids TOUCH EVERYTHING. Germs are always there; I don't stay healthy by avoiding them, goodness knows. 

No. Getting sick is actually the rearrangement of stress and negative energy into bad physical reactions. It is conducted through the emotional wearing out of a person which leaves the mind and heart weakened against the ever-present opportunistic germs. It wasn't just the cookies thing that wore me out, of course: there are a great many things, mostly small, but too many of them nonetheless.

One is, of course, graduation. Graduations were not ever my forte, and this year there are the added bonuses of 1: these are my three-year students, meaning that when I arrived they were first-years, and now they are graduating, and 2: this is March, in Japan. 

March in Japan USED to mean spring (finally), graduation, and at the very end, hanami. But, and a lot of people don't think about this because it is so different from the western schedule, for a lot of us in schools, March 11th was, before it was the biggest goddamn earthquake of recorded history and tsunami of nearly unwatchable devastation, March 11th was graduation day. So we all sat in chilly gymnasia and cried a little while our teenage students fixed their wet eyes on the future and took flight from us. We all shook hands and took photos and sang songs and then, while we were puttering around the office, the chairs all stacked up, people already out of those black suits (always black suits for these occasions), while we were attending to paperwork or just now turning our attention to the next two weeks of school with the other students (graduates leave early or something), somewhere after the graduation while we were biding time before the evening teacher party, then that terrible disaster happened. 

I have heard other stories, from people in other places. One girl said they were already having the post-graduation party when they saw the shaking roll toward them across the horizon. Their boss said, "save the beer!" so they all grabbed one of the hefty bottles and held it up so the shaking table wouldn't spill it. 

So kind of.. in the way that you remember where you were when such and such a thing took place, and for those of us who lived in Japan, knew someone who lived in Japan, any of those related things, maybe this is one of those things. Everyone in Japan will remember where they were when they heard about the quake (or, if closer than we were, felt it). And for myself and many, many of my cohort, it was graduation day. I was exchanging e-mails, making plans with Sagramore in Tokyo, who noted in an e-mail at 3:05pm that there had been a "big ass earthquake just now, btw," and then failed to respond to my subsequent emails. I'm not into worrying, but I wondered just how big he meant, until others started getting phone calls and we turned on the TV.

So although it's not quite the year-anniversary of that event, it is, because it's graduation again, another Friday afternoon just like that one was.

Today, I'm in that in-between time again, just waiting til I can go home and hopefully take a nap. This graduation has been extra tiring because, as I mentioned, bonus number 1, they are my three-year kids, and also my last graduation, and I can't look at the departing students without seeing my own future, I can't hear their speeches without writing my own. I can't think about "Ichinan Family" without starting to cry. Splice that with the cold I got from cookie-baking and guess how many packs of tissues I've used up today. 

Tonight is the teacher party and once again, my head's not really in the game.

Some second years, being goofballs.

the results

Just to update from speech contest:
I managed to deliver my model speech without much terror. To my disappointment, there was no translation provided to the student body, so I was mostly just up there speaking heartfelt foreign words to them. It sort of reminded me of my own graduation at which I realized, after the fact, that no one of my intended audience had even heard me. I directed my words for a very particular audience and that is not who got it. Zan-nen.

But as I mentioned before, I couldn't care once it was finished, because then it was finished!

The actual speech contest was its usual grind, a bit better in overall quality of speeches and speechmakers this year, but I think that last year's clear winner was a ringer, an anomaly, who would have beaten the whole bunch again. The places were harder to negotiate this year. Who was really the best?

Like I also may have mentioned, I once more went in thinking my kids had a fighting chance. I'm better at knowing what kind of thing goes into speech contest now, and I knew my kids better too. When we chose them, I remember how I was sitting, staring down at a desk, when our female-speech-student to be began her mini speech in class. Her pronunciation had something the others didn't have. She wasn't a ringer, but she wasn't bad. Even before coaching she had a certain vocal quality that allowed her to somehow not sound quite so Japanese, or something. The boy I had picked out at last year's graduation ceremony, but he was also duly chosen by process of elimination. His pronunciation wasn't great, but he was eager, and so highly trainable; his energy was really good, too, strong. Moreover, having seen him cry, I trusted him.

By the time the contest approached, I knew the speeches were solid, content-wise, because we went through a serious speechwriting period sometime near the end of summer. I mean, we weren't messing around. None of this "I Love my Club Activity" teamwork BS, none of this "I want to be a golfer when I grow up." EVERYONE does that stuff every year. We ended up with variations on "I am proud to be part of this class/student council" and "my dream is to be a doctor," but they were solid variations, with proper lead-ins and shit.

My JTEs pushed this initiative, and MP-sensei kept coming back to it again and again. Memorize this because it is what you wrote and want to say. I coached them on sentence pattern and word intonation, but when they asked about gestures, we said, use your judgement, you know what the words mean, use the gestures you feel comfy using to emphasize what points you need to emphasize.

I really liked that in all steps, she made them do the work. When we were finalizing writing, she asked them both "What is your main point?" so we could make sure the speech was grounded in it and returned to it by the end. She asked them near the end of rehearsing, "What sentence or two is most important? And how will you make sure you show that?" So they each had a sentence near the end (their main point sentence, as it were) that they punctuated with louder voices, and fist pumps, etc.

They were good. I had no idea, though, what kind of potential ringers were lurking in the other schools, so I was cautiously optimistic. I cheerfully told the kids that I expected a one-two finish, with speech boy first and speech girl second. But, of course, I would be just as happy with her first and him second, I added.

I kind of did that to make sure she never felt like I was selling her short. To be totally honest, I did favor him, but didn't want to make that obvious. He had a better stage presence, and I knew the one thing that might destroy her chance of placing was her nerves. He seemed to have nerves of steel, and even though her pronunciation was better, I figured his energy and volume, along with the way I knew he wouldn't freeze onstage, would lead him to at least place. I hoped they both would.

Our positions in competition were 5th and 15th, so we sent steel-nerves boy to 15th to sweat it out and let her take 5th to get it over with sooner. When she went up to speak I was excited to hear how it would go. She got on that mic and was, for one thing, louder and more energetic sounding than I thought any of the first 4 had been. She absolutely fuckin' killed it. My jaw dropped as she plowed right through her speech with no memorable mistakes of any kind. She did better in the real thing than she had done in the most recent practices I'd seen.

I was thrilled. I looked over the previous speeches to see if I could remember any that had done better. Lots of kids had done rather well, and part of my joy was in seeing her do so well and overcome the things I thought might hold her back. I could not objectively rate her against the other students, so I just allowed myself to think she had kicked everyone's ass. Once the first half ended, I told her as much, and then grinned at our speech boy and told him he better watch out or she would beat him.

When he did his speech, I was beaming throughout. He brought it, and the other ALTs were admitting as much after the contest ended. I expected him to be that good, though, so I was just plain pleased that it had gone so well. I was proud of them both and figured they both deserved to place, at least, even if they didn't both end up getting it. After that, we did our role-reversal skit, in which a few students were the Japanese teachers, and we ALTs the students (terrible students, generally speaking, just for fun). The kids enjoyed that, as did the teachers.. got more comments on that than on my model speech (tear).

So then the judges came back, and in Japanese they announced third place(s) and then second, then first. They said it all so quickly after deliberating for so long that I wasn't sure I'd heard them properly.

This is what happened.

That's my speech boy with the second place plaque, and my speech girl, with the cup. Not only did we place, we got our one-two finish, and even with the mini-reversal I'd refused not to mention as possible. I'm very proud of them and all their hard work, and I'm very pleased that in this, my third and final year, we took home BOTH the plaque AND the cup.

From 2011_10_18

Fuck yes, I say.

"The Difference"

Well today is speech contest day. I've been really, really busy. You might be thinking to yourself, she can't be that busy, or she wouldn't have crafted such lovely photo-complimented blog posts and put them up within the last two weeks. Well, thank you for your kind words, but no seriously, I only wrote those because I was on shinkansen for hours and hours, and those kings of transport have electric outlets where you can plug in your devices.

Because my computer has begun informing me that my battery is "reaching the end of its usable life." Whatever that means is something I intend to deal with later. I have intended to deal with a lot of things later. A few of them got done on the train (I wrote those two entries and more, but the last is unfinished) or the bus or what have you.

Today is speech contest, the big event, what we've been preparing for these last few weeks, and I don't mean just my speech contestants (although I do, bless their hearts), but also the skit kids, and me, and the ALTs, oh and model speech (which I will type out for you, from memory, after this brief intro writing of mine). I'm actually kind of pleased with how the model speech turned out, although I despaired after my initial excitement, that I had too many things I wanted to say, that none of them were appropriate or comprehensible. What eventually came out of it was something that is about 40% crap and 60% awesome, so I'll settle for those stats. I have no idea how good the translation into Japanese is. I have my doubts, from looking over the page, but I'm hopeful, and also after this point, I can hardly care. Up or down, win or lose, it will be, oh thank God, over.

All that prep, all those evenings of staying late.. the pansies I bought that are still in little plastic containers because I was quite literally never home when it was light outside enough to do anything with them.

I like that image, of a battery that is used and recharged, used and recharged, but eventually it needs to just be replaced. Because it may seem small, the idea of an hour here, an hour there, staying late, missing one little thing, running to catch your transportation. But all those things add up. I think of being a JET sort of like having that battery. It gets drained all to hell sometimes, like this month, and then gets recharged, yeah, and it'll do, but it works less and less well, until such time as you need a major shift or change in your life. Some people upgrade regularly, but others can become stuck in a life pattern that never changes, and that's more my type. I won't get a new smart awesomephone until my old one actually ceases to function..!

Lately, I've had very little patience for anyone, including myself, and have been overly emotional when listening to Disney songs. I think about things while driving (since I can't bus and read) and have strange dreams at night. I can't wait to return to "normal" because I like the person I become better when I can be nicer to others (because I'm not so preoccupied trying to be nice to myself-- I do have to work at this, and when it becomes a priority, it's a lot harder to take care of anyone else, because shit, son, I'm a handful!)

ANYWAY! Today is the first day in a very long time I've not had a full schedule of classes (or been away on business) at work. I have no classes. And while I know it is frustrating and annoying to go to work each day and not have anything to do, I personally like these days now and then, to just sort of catch up, so I'm not clinging to the last edge of my sanity while crafting the crappiest of lesson plans at 6pm when I'm still at work on a Tuesday night.

I joked that it meant I could use the morning class periods to FREAK OUT ABOUT--haha, I mean "get ready for" speech contest, but honestly I won't get nervous until it's upon us, so all morning I'll just... do what I gratefully do with any given morning. Write, think, pace, try to get on top of the stuff I've let go in a big way, try to stay on top of the stuff I couldn't afford to let go.

My model speech is long, as has been noted by lots of people, but I have memorized it all, and fairly well. I paced around outside until that happened. How well I'll be able to keep it when standing on the stage remains to be seen, but I am sure that with my page in front of me to glance at surreptitiously, I will be able to give the appearance of knowing it excellently. And now, because I know you're dying of curiousity to know what today's model speech will say.

It's called "The Difference"

It seems like people are always asking me, do you have suchandsuch in your country? No matter what they are asking about, my answer is almost always the same. Yes, but it's different there.

Everyone wants to know what is different about a foreign place. My family back in America is amazed by some of the stories that I tell about how life is different in Japan. They want to know about Japanese toilets and Japanese festivals and Japanese hierarchy systems and Japanese food. Things that are different catch our attention, because they are more exciting and interesting.

People in Japan also want to know what is different about life in the US. Sometimes they are amazed by what I say. My school did not have uniforms, we didn't clean the classrooms ourselves, and we could eat snacks in class sometimes, if the teacher didn't mind. We never practiced for sports day, and we got to choose our lunches. Students moved from classroom to classroom, instead of teachers. Even though I didn't live in the city, there were 750 students at my JHS, and we rode the big yellow bus to school. But these are all examples of things American students do. This does not say who they are.

It is important to understand what is is different, but it is also important to keep in mind what is not. Because teenagers, whether they live in Japan or America, still want to be cool, and are afraid of being rejected. And people, no matter where they live, still want to matter and to do something meaningful with their lives. Families still love their children, and children still need their families. This is true not only in Japan, and in America, but everywhere in the world.

When people in Japan look at me, they can see right away that I am different. It takes a lot more effort to find out how like them I may be. If they only look at the surface, they will only see the difference. But if they open their minds and hearts, they can see what kind of person I may be, whether I am funny or serious, laid-back, or strict. Not everyone is what they seem to be at first-- for example, even though no one in Japan or America will ever think that I am Japanese, I'll tell you a secret. Inside my heart, because I lived in Shiso, I will always be a little bit Japanese.

What is most important to people is the same for everyone. We share in common our hopes and our fears, our happiness and worries, even if our actions and ways of dealing with them are not alike. That is why communication between cultures is possible, and that is also why it is important. The reason we need to discover what is different between cultures is so that we can discern what we have in common as people, therefore, what is most human.

Students in the US and students at Ichinan may be different, but we are all part of the human family. I encourage you to open your mind to people who seem at first to be very different from you. Although we are all unique, we are also all connected. When you understand this, you can truly appreciate the difference for what it is, and what it is not.
Thank you.

The Ponderous Return of The Uj (as in "usual")

Well, I must apologize for leaving you so long with that bad taste in your mouth of me being a little bit of an asshole. The truth is, I only felt bad about it for a short while, because things just got too busy to carry on with all that!

That weekend that was supposed to be International Picnic but was typhoon instead (9/3-4) preceded our seven days of working-not-working, or Sports Day Week.

Since I had been complaining about needing a vacation, I tried to look at the daylong stand-around-outside fest as a forced vacation. It worked for a while anyway. The first few days after the typhoon was finished were almost cool, and they were clear and pleasantly bright. I stood under the blue sky, looked up through the cherry trees, and wandered amongst the students, all gathered for practice. Really, it was blissful.

And although I don't necessarily like to spend all day at my desk, I don't necessarily like to spend no time here either. I have a lot of stuff I do (I might have menioned before), things that require a bit of attention, if not daily, then at least every few days to keep them moving smoothly through the internet and my brain. Hyogo Times and JETinfogather are two big ones, but my kanji review list begins to get out of hand after too long, and there's always that TEFL course I just signed up for...

And it slowly becomes maddening to spend so much time each day doing actually nothing when you know there's stuff to be done. But by the time you get home, you're pretty worn out from all that standing around in the sun, so all you really want is a shower and a nap and maybe some dinner.

So it's the best of weeks, and it's the worst of weeks, and it's also longer than most weeks, since you spend Monday to Saturay in practice and prep, and then the Sports Festival itself is Sunday.

All of our favorite events were back, the dancing, the family races, the relays, the mukade (centipede) race (I don't know whose idea this race was, but it's hilariously full of wipeouts)... the log-pull, the hat chicken fights without a pool (also called kibasen, or "mock cavalry battle")

Sports Day itself was pretty hot, with a little douse of rain in the morning to wet down the field and make the relay race a bit tougher. I got my new camera replaced for free (the rice-bin one never did recover, but the store exchanged them for me, no questions asked.. must have been under some kind of warranty since I did only buy the thing a few weeks before it got typhoon'd) so I was holding down the shutter to take a lot of rapid action shots.

Got to see a few of the graduated students, including a couple favorites..

The PTA enkai that followed was not far from the school. At first I sighed and thought, oh, I guess I have to go, but then I remembered that I love meeting kids' parents and seeing where they came from in that respect, so I was even happier that I had the good fortune of being seated next to, across from, and diagonal to parents of a couple of my favorite students. It only makes sense, of course, that the PTA parents have the mroe involved, harder-trying kids. Best of all was that the guy to my right was my speech boy's dad.

A teacher at Higashi asked me who our speech kids were, and when I said this kid, he was like "Aw crap."

All in all, it was perhaps the most successful sports day yet. I cannot find the memory card with the photos from that day, so I'll put them up eventually.

 Following our Monday-Tuesday fake weekend (blissful, that), we had a three-day work week, which for me was chock full of the usual. Classes, commitments, planning. It went off without any more hitches than usual, anyway. Since my 17th - 19th hopes for pilgriming had been rained out, we had to devise a new plan...

That entry coming soon.

Because Sometimes You Are Wrong

So I mentioned that I spent the post-graduation drinking party trying to keep up with the art teacher. I misspoke; he's actually the math teacher who is an artist on the side. He's the teacher I sat next to last year, and we got along rather well. Then this year I suffered the painful delusion that he hated me for disrupting his class by making our English games too effing loud (they were pretty loud, but I was happy about this.. the class in question is normally that blank-faced staring type problem). When I say suffered, I really did. It bothered me a lot. I really want people to like me, especially people that seem interesting or cool, or whom I respect. I used to tiptoe around and avoid looking at him or getting in his way. My cabinet of extra crap is behind his desk (my old desk location), so I would actually wait until he left the office to go and get stuff out of there.

Because I didn't want to feel the burning wrath of him hating on me, of him judging the fact that I wasn't a "real" part of this school, or that I wasn't good to the Mice class, or that I didn't work as hard as the other teachers... all of which are kind of true and are serious insecurities I have had about my job. The Mice class has been a thorn in my English-speaking side since day one, specifically because of their silence and lack of motivation. For this reason, I was always a lot more likely to hang out with the other kids whenever I had the chance. I didn't go after the Mice.. in some ways I let them go, because the Cats and Frogs actually appreciated me. A little. But what I should have done, were I a more dedicated person, would have been to reach out to them more, and work harder for them and with them.

And why are we paying so much to have these western youngsters sit around studying kanji and blogging all day?!

Anyway. After a while I knew I must be imagining things, but I went right on imagining them until the last drinking party when I sat across from him and in my whiskey, confessed that I thought he didn't like me! I also asked about the girl in all the new paintings at the pizza place, because there are a bunch of the same girl, and last time I was at the pizza place, we speculated as to who she might be, and what significance.

So I was happily reassured after his insistence that he doesn't in fact hate me. He said I should visit his house and that his wife makes a mean pasta. Sometimes your paranoia is all in your head.

On the Monday after a drinking party, usually no one speaks about anything that was done or said.. it's like enkai exist in a parallel universe, or in Vegas. Everything just stays there. My memory had begun to function as such. I was totally caught off guard when Monday morning rolled around and he clapped me on the shoulder with a comment about my drinking strength. I blinked, then laughed with a grave "I lost."

Later, though he stopped by my desk to ask a question that was really gratifying. He asked if I would sit as a model. And I mean, I know it's kind of because I am foreign and I have interesting features that are probably fun to try to capture, but I've never had anyone ask if I would sit and be the subject of scrutiny, and I'm vain enough to be really happy along with nervous. I am always curious about how others see me, and how it differs from what I see. The girl in the paintings at the pizza place has a sort of serious, sometimes almost creepily intense look to her. I wonder if that's his style of painting, or if it's something of her personality he's getting. I wonder how I'll turn out. It'll be Monday kind of all morning, and then we'll all have lunch (pasta) after the session. So once that happens, I'll let you know how it went.

Sotsugyou

I'm thinking today about the future.

It's graduation day. I hate them. I forgot that I hate them. They're never quite what I want them to be. I mean, I went, and we sang, and I cried, and it was poignant. But it was also like stay-awake-challenge 2011, and not only for me, when the speakers got up to say their pieces. Maybe it's because their speeches are all in some level of Japanese I don't really understand. But they were the ones who looked bored when the kids started singing badly, and when the class VP started to give an account of their memories, her voice broken by little sobs.

I had come to terms with the idea that it's not really for the graduates that we put them through all this crap. It's for us, the teachers and parents. It's so we can wallow in the weird feeling of imagining them taking flight, of how happy we are and how sad, that we maybe taught them something, that they needed us, that they don't anymore.

But for me, I love their faces as they march out into the swirling snow (yeah, snow) through the back doors of the gym. Tearstained and squared jaw, they go forward; they have no other choice. The future is there, and they'll go into it. They couldn't stay behind if they wanted to. Not that they want to.. some are glad to get out, and some are glad to go wherever they are going. Some are sad to be leaving, some are scared of where they're headed, or of not knowing where they're headed. And some are all of the above.

But scared or sad or happy or excited, we go, because for all the points of the compass, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure (that isTom Stoppard).

But something else. Before the graduates came into the gym, while I was wandering around trying to keep warm, I stopped and smiled and chatted and joked with the younger students. The first-years squabbled over who was number one, two, or three coolest. The second-years called me beautiful. Then during the ceremony, next year's student body president started crying during his speech, and continued to cry through the rest of the ceremony (I didn't know this til I saw him, red-eyed, at the end).

I remembered the phrase just a judo kid, and choked on it watching the irrepressible Minato deliver his ceremonial paper to the stage. He was never just anything. Now our new class president is just a table-tennis kid, but he has a good heart, and he's sharp, and he has a steady voice. And he cried through the whole ceremony!

At the risk of sounding like a horrible person, I like working with kids whom I've seen cry. I actually have more respect for the kids I've seen moved that much, because it means they give a shit. I like kids who give a shit. The future is brighter for them.

I've been thinking lately about the future, about education and how we're all in this together. About how we need kids to give a shit, and to learn about things, even if they don't think they want to, because the future needs better people. I hear about how this country has a growing population and that one has a shrinking one, but I feel like what we need is not more people (oh hey massive population jump in the last several centuries and the fact that our resources and infrastructure may not be able to keep up at that rate), just better ones.

The world needs people who are smart, sure, but more than that, the world needs people who give a shit. The other day, an acquaintance said "Stupid scares me, because I am afraid it's winning." Sometimes it does seem like stupid is winning, but I have hope. And it's kids like next year's class president that give it to me.

And who make losing last year's class president bearable.

jerksvent

People are jerks.

You might overlook this in your day-to-day life because it makes the living of it easier. It’s much more pleasant an experience to think things are “funny” rather than “annoying as hell,” or that they are “cute” instead of “stupid.” Inquisitive, not invasive, a teaching opportunity, not asinine… the conversion list is endless and it’s an interface on operating system that you wonderful kindhearted souls must use to function without your head exploding all over everyone all the time.

But when you find yourself short on patience, let’s say, you didn’t sleep well that night, or you got a cold, or something, suddenly all the jerk actions of all the bastard people become way too apparent. Suddenly it’s possible to have a beef with everyone. Suddenly you don’t have the internal resources required to rise above shit like you normally do. The irony being that other people will during this time think that YOU have suddenly become a jerk, when actually you are just seeing the jerkiness of all others clearly for the first time in a while.

Soooo I have had a cold recently. And I have about had it up to here with basically everyone. Okay the kids are actually mostly okay, except for those smartasses who make a point of not trying and then make sure you notice it. And there are a few staff members who have stayed out of my way (what, because they just can’t be bothered to even think of having my back? Thanks a lot!) and I can think of two staff members who have been, dare I say it, nice to me today.

Everyone else just wants shit from me and doesn’t have any idea how to be courteous, helpful, or understanding.

Mostly today I am just frustrated at Miss Piggy because I’m sick of her complaining; today she is really energetic, rushing me off to class five minutes early when I clearly have too much crap all over my desk and papers IN MY HANDS that I am trying to sort before my next class.. thinking she is cute or clever or whatever. But like.. not helping students on their worksheets for some reason. Getting me to make her copies for her because… whatever. Arg.

Also, I feel overworked today because I have four classes at the middle school. This is silly because until recently, that was the norm. But lately, two is the norm, giving me the rest of the time to do things like plan elementary, and then catch up on other important life tasks like trying to keep my email inbox under better control, or trying to study Japanese.. (None of which I have done today, nor will I ever be able to EVER AGAIN, JEEZ) Now, I do recall that I was always astonished at how behind I always seemed when I was trying to cram even just staying on top of work (that elementary planning and creating materials will get you every time) into the time I had, so the change was secretly kind of awesome. But I never felt overly put-upon to go to four classes in a day here.

But TODAY good GRIEF you want me to sit through FOUR classes?! Two of them with the awesome awesome crew of first-year (frogs) but with Miss Piggy, the others with the sweet and kind-approaching Newbie-sensei but with those awful second-year kids (the mice) who just stare at you rather than participate in anything ever?!

It's been a few days. A couple days back I sat at the sushi bar with Big Brother contemplating why no one in this town gives a damn anymore.

Having a cold makes me crotchety and entitled. So all you jerks had better start treating me better and at least PRETENDING to give a shit~!

Thanks.

/vent

I like [real] bananas

I keep hearing them talk about the upcoming to-ra-i-ya-ru week. I swear I thought it was “trial” only katakana-ized. Turns out, “try” is katakana, but “yaru” is just the other verb for “to do.”

Try-yaru week is when the second graders go out into the world and like.. work at jobs for a week. We ran into some at the Toyoko Inn where we stayed in like.. Hiroshima, or something. They were super cute.

Now our mice class is getting ready for theirs, toward the end of the month. I can only imagine the paperwork that goes into placing the students and prepping for all that.

I’m warming to the mice and they are warming to me. Most of them have finished writing their letters, although I’m well aware that the HS in America to which we’ll send them only has like four more days of school or something. I suppose they’ll have them when they get back from break..! I wish I had gotten my act together sooner, but alas.

I am eating Tokyo Banana omiyage from the cats’ class trip to Tokyo and Disney et al. I got a sweet Geiko-HelloKitty charm from the new school nurse. But from what I hear, Japanese people are crazy about the Tokyo banana little confections. I prefer real bananas. It’s kind of like grape-flavored things, and how they’re just not the same flavor as grapes. Only banana flavor might be worse.

I think the other souvenir tasty is full of redbean paste, though, which means it will be much more normally delicious. I’ll save it for tomorrow.

It is cool to be receiving omiyage I actually recognize, though.

In other news, it’s warm and zutto-rainy, and feels like springtime. The healthiness of my habits increases with the average temperature (to a point), so lately it’s been on the rise. More exercise and better food choices all ‘round.

Last week, I went to Akashi to conquer Stage One of Obtaining a Japanese Driving License. I don’t think my VP believed me when I told him how difficult it is (well, Stage Two is). Almost every foreigner fails at least once on the driving practical. A few famously failed like eight or ten times.

And not to be racist, but there are lots of people on the roads around here who totally cannot drive. That’s true in America, too, but I feel like if the test is going to be so freaking hard, it should mean your drivers are elite. But it’s like the SAT of driving tests. All it measures is how well you take a driving test full of nitpicky rules on a closed course. Everyone says, “oh, you’re a good driver, you’ll be fine.” I want to say, just because I am better than you doesn’t mean I’ll pass the test on the first try. But, that’s not a nice thing to say and would perhaps not further friendly relations betwixt my country and theirs. Even if it’s true.

I’m going to driving school this weekend, with a tentative reservation for the following weekend as well (CatJET took driving school three times but passed the test on her first go-round!)… so hopefully, that will help.

Akashi is supposed to be a fairly cool place, but I have a feeling way too many JETs remember it only as a place of waiting, and waiting, and inconvenience, and failure. I had thought to take a little tour of it the day I went, but the ‘easy’ part took way longer than I anticipated. So I didn’t.

In other news, my computer no longer has access to the network, which irritatingly means no printer and no internet access for me. I can use THAT COMPUTER at the desk no one sits at (where the teacher who quit used to sit).. basically I can use it anytime I want to, and I do when I need to print (I put my stuff on a flashdrive and ferry it over… this process is not foreign to me, from anytime I stay at my parents’). It’s still a pain in the ass.

Another part of me kind of likes it, as I am often overwhelmed by the immediacy of the internet. I have offline-gmail now, which means I can manipulate and respond to stuff and it gets uploaded the next time my computer connects to the interweb. And of course my blog client.

And of course I can study Japanese and write letters by hand, which I may do more of now that I will have a net of more free periods per week and a lot less internet.

Today is very comfortable.

Some days...

Your kids are fine, the weather is spectacular, the workload is moderate, lunch is tasty...

And you are still in a bad mood. For no good reason.

So it goes.

Letterdrop

The day the letters dropped was almost more awesome than receiving them!

Today’s chaotic success was the culmination and combination of a lot of factors, and the efforts of a lot of people. I first flirted with the idea of a pen-pal type exchange as I spoke with my friend who is a 9th grade English teacher in Commerce, GA. I wanted to capitalize on my connections, and provide both his students and mine with opportunities they might not have if he and I weren’t teachers in America and Japan, and if we weren’t friends.

The problem was only that his Japan club has like 12 or 15 members. And I have 168 middle schoolers.

Back when Kermit-sensei was still around, he converted a textbook activity into a real letter writing exercise with me. Almost every student produced some kind of letter, which were then packed up and sent to Georgia.

Almost every letter got a response (once he pushed the opportunity on some of his non Japanclub kids who desperately needed extra credit).. but some got none and some got as many as three. I didn’t know how to hand out letters where one kid would get three and the kid next to him would get nothing, so I waited a bit.

But that issue wasn’t going to resolve itself, and this pack of letters was just sitting in my desk being a Great Opportunity and yet never getting to shine. There were four letters without students’ names on the top, so that helped. A few of the repeats were in pencil, and I confess that although tampering with mail is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, in the interest of pedagogical purposes, I may or may not have used an eraser and my best handwriting imitation skillz. It didn’t work, for me.. I could always tell which ones had been converted.

But I copied and wheedled my way into a letter for every kid. I was really excited about this, actually, but I had to wait because of scheduling and Golden Week and changes at work.

The old system of splitting English and math classes is “destroyed” for the 1st and 2nd year students. Instead of four periods of about 14 students, I get two of 28. (Because we are down a few staff members.. after the first few weeks, some dude just quit, and so everyone else has to cover that space in the staff scheduling routine) But it’s not just me; I am team-teaching these, AND both Miss Piggy-sensei and Newbie-sensei are joining each class. This is pretty awesome because they balance each other well. Miss Piggy’s English level is incredible, and Newbie is a fast thinker and always positive.

I was a bit nervous about throwing so many different letters at such a big class, but it went off awesomely. The kids suddenly had something in their hands that was meant (probably) just for them. The letters were often similar, but none (very few) the same. This creates a sudden and personal desire to know what has been written. Suddenly we’re translating not because it’s in the book and we have to, but because someone has sent us a message and we want to know what it says. The difference is paramount. They were all over the place, out of their seats, getting dictionaries and visiting desks, raising their hands to ask questions. I could have cried with joy.

I too really enjoyed seeing kids get responses. Some of them got affirmations (“I like baseball too!”) and others got questions which will make finding content for their reply easy (“What is judo?”). Some of them asked questions which were answered (even if negatively.. haha “I have never heard of ARASHI.”) .. but to feel heard, understood? Um, especially as a middle schooler struggling with an unfamiliar language? Effin’ priceless.

I expect them to write back, too, partly because it’s polite and we’ve waited too long to return responses to the kids in Commerce. And partly because I just want to see that they’ve processed what was given to them and made an effort at fielding a reply. My life is hectic, and so are theirs; the draft is due Friday.

If there were a kilter, we’d be a bit off it.

This is the new story of my life: I keep thinking I’ll do things, and then I never do them. Mostly I have good reasons for it, but it’s still lame as an overall experience.

Things have been outside of normal for, oh around a month now.. ever since graduation, mostly, things at work have been changing, and being on vacations, and having visitors (not me personally, but our ShisoJETparty-all-the-time has been lately, well, a party all the time)… and there isn’t anything wrong with a party all the time provided of course that you are not trying to have work alongside it. I got some new furniture, so my apartment is completely different than it ever was (so if I refer to my “new apartment,” I did not move, I just rearranged out of necessity to accommodate the new couch and the kotatsu, aka The Biggest Flat Surface In The House). I’m still going to write about Kyoto, Tokyo, and Okinawa, and also the Himeji bike ride I helped to captain. Or I might not, since I think the photo sets are like photojournals in a way, and the visual might be the most interesting part!

Suffice to say I’ve had a lot of stress lately.. both good stress and bad stress, unexpected incidents and things I should have anticipated but somehow miraculously failed to.. I thought I would have a whole day Wednesday at my desk (because I had one class scheduled.. ONE), and I mostly did, but it was interrupted by the fact that, oh man! I have to make elementary lesson plans! And now I make them bilingual, so it takes about four times as long. THEN I was interrupted by the destructive antics of our Most Disruptive Student, who is usually such a good-natured little delinquint, I was totally not bothered when he came raging into the staff room Wednesday after lunch (someone had spray painted his bike with pink) because he and I are cool. He doesn’t participate in my class, but he always says hello to me in the hall. For example:

Kid: Hello!

Me: Hi! What’s up?

Kid: I .. am.. CHAMPION!

Me: Of what?

Kid: eh?

Me: (in Japanese) What kind of “CHAMPION”?

Kid: …………… Champion of WORLD.

Me: hahahaha, awesome. Okay be careful, don’t climb on the roof today.

So anyway, it startled the bloody freaking hell out of me when he kicked a plastic bucket and made it explode into shards. I began to pay attention to his words, which included “important thing” and “break/ruin”… he and his circle of big male teachers orbited near my (now conveniently at the center of the room) desk and the VP and other female teachers were like, Emily, come here.

And I was like, no, man, I don’t want to leave my desk, first of all this kid should not be allowed to disrupt me (not as in ‘they should physically subdue him,’ but as in ‘I am not scared of this kid and I do not believe he would lay a hand on me and if he did, I could probably take it.’), but second of all, I couldn’t tell if he was griping about his own PERSONAL “important thing” that had been “ruined” or if he was planning to ruin some other important thing. I realized right then that NOT standing between this kid and my precious little computer, lifeline of all I do, was not what I wanted. I mournfully looked at it and considered taking it off the desk with me into the hall, but I didn’t want to be THAT GIRL so I followed the other teachers out and sulked around. It was a beautiful day, that day.

Which is a comparative RARITY which is another problem: Spring has been cancelled due to lack of hustle? There are notable exceptions. Wednesday is one. The Himeji bike ride weekend is another. On the whole, the weekdays are shitty (rainy, grey, cold… right now it’s 10C. TEN.) and the weekends are a bit warmer with more sun, which is not too bad a deal I guess.. five for two. But the overall sluggishness of spring’s arrival is really annoying.

Anyway, that was a tangent. What I am trying to talk about is how Wednesday I guess I must have gotten a lot done, but it was none of the blogging/photoworking/recon I had hoped to do. I actually did not have time. When I am at work, basically, I do work stuff.

Which is how it should be, I guess, and I am getting used to that. But it’s still an expectation shift from doing all sorts of things for myself in those brief days of spring holiday.

My new teachers are pretty cool. I have mixed feelings about Miss Piggy-sensei. She is sweet enough, but I swear she has not yet HAD a good day. Every single time I see her she is suffering from something. Trouble is, she whines and sits there while the teacher on the other side of her (Hot Band Teacher) sneezes into her handkerchief, then glares at the handkerchief like she is SO NOT OKAY with having a cold because, man, she just has SHIT TO DO. I can really identify with not having patience with colds. It’s a far better mental place to be than the moany-complainy place, anyway. But oh, MP-sensei has a cold, or oh, a sore throat, or oh, her stomach hurts.

I mean maybe she’s just having a bad… three and a half weeks, right?

Miraculously, somehow, the classes I’ve had with her (three so far) and the first years have been more or less Wonderful. I won’t ask you to identify with the thrill of standing in front of fourteen Japanese children all grunting the “short u” sound in unison, but anyone who ever tried to get their kids to say “BIRD” instead of “BAADO” will feel me here. The last two weeks we’ve had what I guess I can call “phonics Friday” where we tackled vowels, first short, today long, and wrestled them to the ground.

Seriously, today I did a listening quiz that was brutal. I gave them a handout with squares, and letter sets like “P __ N” and “N ___T” four times each. Then I had them write the vowel in while I chanted “PIN” then “PEN” then “PUN” then “PAN” at them. Meccha muzukashii, since in Japanese, the short A, short O, and short U are all just “a”.. but I’ll be darned if they weren’t volunteering to put letters in the giant squares on the board, getting it right and making mistakes and generally just being awesome all over the place.

Partly this is thanks to Miss Piggy-sensei, because she asked me if we could do phonics for the whole lesson. Somehow between her suggestions and my materials and lack of accent (see: some Americans pronounce PIN and PEN the same) and coffee induced enthusiasm, we are hot to go. Partly the kids are just awesome. The first-year group (frogs, I’ve called them) is, I think..? made up of a lot of oxen (by the Chinese zodiac system), which happens to be my animal too. The mice class is actually made up of a lot of rats/mice by that calendar, so I find that kind of fun. (But that class is starting to come out of its shell a bit under the tutelage of Sweetie-sensei, my 22-year-old team teacher)

Those are anecdotes.. there is, of course, more. Elementary with its triumphs, challenges, and changes. The BOE being more bullheaded than even me (well, we’ll see about that). The Himeji ride (along with seeing my graduated dog-class boys biking all the way to the HS in the town where I live all the way from the town where I work) has made me think seriously about biking as a mode of transportation. I am hoping to buy a decent bike very soon. My closet unit collapsed, so my clothes are everywhere (but I am getting a much cooler clothes thing from George since he is moving out this weekend)…  Making new friends, seeing old ones, seeing old ones change, seeing people get closer to you and others further away… Losing chances for shit, gaining chances for other shit. The long and short of it is I have a lot of (mostly good) stress going on!

Now we (I) am gearing up for Golden Week, too. This is a string of Japanese holidays which basically makes the first week of May vacay. I am going to Hong Kong, and I am excited about it. It’s one more, perhaps the capstone disruption to the long string of disruptions since graduation…

Sometimes I think I am wrong to imagine that there is such a thing as “normal life” here… but I know there was a time when I had a schedule and I understood it. It’s not that I don’t want to do the stuff I get to go.. just that there’s a balance. Costs to things. Lots of thoughts on that lately (good things and their costs).. I think I’ll perhaps distill a more coherent entry on that later, as well.

If I have a moment. In which to do so.

Adventures in Impropriety

Two things. One: Being Hit On By Fifteen-Year-Olds.

Ever since I got here, there’s been this somewhat cocky kid (from sports day? “Number one cool”) who says things to me in English which, from a native speaker, would be clear trespass in the world of appropriate. He started with “My favorite food is lemon because it is your name!” So I pretended to think that comments like “You are delicious” and “I’d rather eat you than lunch” were innocent plays on words performed by an inexpert speaker of English.

Excellent. You can turn a perfectly innocent eye to many things.

Today, I saw him in the hall, and he said “I like you!”

Em: “I like you too! Let’s be friends.”

Him: “Friends..?” (gesturing a step up from that) “Friends.. ijou!” [More than friends!]

Em: “No, no, no, no; muri, muri muri!” [Impossible!]

I heard him telling his friends about it later and yelled up the stairwell, “I can hear you, you know! Don’t you be gossiping about me!”

EDIT: I talk to my students sometimes in a very conversational tone, as though they were understanding every word. I know they aren’t and half the time I’m counting on that. I dressed up in a skirt and my Emma Pillsbury sweater for my last class with the 3rd years, and I caught number-one-cool checking me out in the stairway mirror. I turned to the girls I was with and told them “That was so obvious, and so many kinds of not okay.” I heard The Maker of Spreadsheets in my voice, when I said it, and missed GHP.

Second thing: Gender Specific Title Bending

The three English teachers at my school are all male. This is normally completely insignificant, but the students are taught to call them “Mr.” when addressing them in English class. Most people will simply do a direct translation, and since sensei means ‘teacher,’ they’ll turn Mikan-sensei into “Mikan teacher.” But our English teachers are wise to the fact that we don’t say it that way in English-speakin’ countries.

So early on, the kids had a funny moment of greeting me in the start of class.

Ex: “Good morning everyone.”

“Good morning Mistaa Kermit.”

“Good morning class!”

“Good morning Mis..taa.? Emily.”

Some of them got it right, some of them didn’t but I laughed and told them for me it should be “miss” or just plain ol’ “Emily.”

Later on, one of my most energetic (noisiest, but sharp) first year boys (let’s call him Ryou) accidentally (?) called me “Mistaa” out of habit. This got a laugh so he started doing it more regularly, but not in class, mostly just in the hallways. He would wave to me and say “Hello mistaa Emily!” and sometimes dart into a nearby classroom to evade my wrath.

My wrath instead takes linguistic form. Whenever (and only when, because sometimes he doesn’t) I reply “Hello, Ryou-chan!”

Boys normally get the title “-kun” attached to the end of their names, is they are of the same rank or lower, that is. I’ve noticed the teachers often call the boys “kun.” They often call girls with either “-san,” or “-chan.” I think it depends largely on the personality of the girl. “Chan” is what they put on the end of Hello-Kitty’s name.

Kitty-chan!

So it’s the cute-little-girl denotation. Hello Ryou-chan!

The most fun part for me is the reaction his classmates provide. They might laugh a little when he calls me “Mister Emily,” but they lose their damn minds when they hear me greet him brightly as Ryou-chan.

He hasn’t done it in a while.

World Citizenry

First landmines in Cambodia, now the Lake District in England...?

I'm actually kind of enjoying the way our textbooks' topics induce me to do a little research. For all that I'm hooked on education and have spent a good deal of time at my schooling, I know a great deal about a very few things. The vast empty spaces in my general knowledge are often overlooked..!

So today I want to go to the UK, because I've never been there, and because reading about the Lake District and looking at maps and reading the names of the towns and mountains and lakes brings to mind every good fantasy novel I ever read (which were all, I think, probably written by Brits anyway).

Last week, I wanted to go on Pepy adventures because I didn't know until I started looking into it for class how much landmines are a freaking PROBLEM. And, being in Asia, I want to explore Asia anyway.

Either way.. I'm glad my JTEs tell me in advance when I'm supposed to be an authority on this or that foreign culture. Because if it's not classical and it's not American (and even sometimes if it is), chances are....

Can you read this kanji?

As part of our "able to" lesson ("Can you ___?" "I can ____.") the textbook has examples of stuff to ask your classmates. Can you ski? Can you swim? I have a workpage from a different book (Planet Eigo) that is covered with such question helpers. One of them is "Can you... read this kanji?" with some ridiculously difficult/useless kanji. It has to be a difficult one, because it if were one of the kanji everyone knows, there would be no point in asking if you could read it.

Given my fairly prevalent illiteracy, it is generally safe to assume that in the case of a textbook presenting a kanji some students won't be able to read, I will also not be able to read it.

But.

This was the kanji.

檸檬

Yeah. Get a load of that. And you know what? When I looked at it, my jaw dropped. Because. I can read this kanji.

Hahahaha. Because it's the kanji for lemon. Most of the time, they just write レモン on things. As, of course, do I when I write my name. But this one time, one of my Salamander students gave me a cool placard with my name in kanji. I always thought it was weird to imagine that we 'ferners' could have our names done in kanji, but I realized that my name lends itself rather easily. "Lemon" is both the meaning and pronunciation of that kanji (as far as I know..) So when I made an example for the 3rd years (on Monday) of how to make a name poem, I used my "kanji name" as well as my English spelling (it was a name acrostic, which had sometimes hilarious results).

Which means I can read this kanji.

Window on Wandering

Today I got to play human tape recorder/stand there for a while in most of the 1st year classes I co-taught. This is okay, because the kids do need to hear my masterful intonation and all that.. but it is problematic in that my mind tends to wander. And I can't help but wonder whether the kids can help from wandering, if I can't.

Things I thought about today:

• Writing a (screen)play
• How long/expensive a non-shink train ride may be to Hiroshima
• Letter writing
• what might be for lunch
• How many eggs were left in my fridge
• GHP
• American penpals for some of my Japanese kids
• Weddings
• Bulletin boards
• Kobe
• Latin and the teaching thereof